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Posted by Toe on 08:53:20 04/01/11
Due to an impass among the various factions of bird families, and the ongoing ecological budget shortfalls, spring migration may be shut down this year.
At the root of the problem is the partisan bickering between the conservative meat-eaters (raptors, waders, gulls, and shorebirds), and the more colorful and liberal fruit-seed-and-bug eaters (warblers, vireos, tanagers, etc). Each side is accusing the other for the present ecological problems they are in.
"You've wasted all the fruit instead of saving for the future!" said one spokesman for the ACLU (Accipiter Coalition Landbird Union). "You warblers think the fruit will be there foreever and spend the entire day on the same group of trees until everything is gone. Look at us, sometimes we spend days before making one single kill. Eat and poop, that's your motto!"
Meanwhile, Ronnie Redstart of the left-leaning UAW (United American Warblers) blamed the current situation on Global Warbler, saying it's time the birds did their part in reducing carbon emissions. He said instead of covering hundreds of miles in migration and popping up here and there, causing humans to drive all over the place in pursuit, migratory birds should spread out evenly and just stay put. He termed the phrase "Social Migratory Justice", in which all birders have equal opportunity to see the birds, regardless of their ability or level of effort. Sam Derling of the SEIU (Shorebirds Eat Invertebrates Union) simply responded with: "Commie!"
Surprisingly silent in this debate are the waterfowl, since they really don't know which side to take. On the one side, they eat algae and are themselve the victims of hunting. But, the hunters are always pushing for more waterfowl habitat, so they benefit in a way. But honestly, they realy don't care if migration shuts down at this point since most of them have already migrated north. "This is not the time for political apathy" said someone from the DSA (Democratic Songbirds of America).
With only weeks left for the big migration push, everyone is waiting to see if the two sides can work out their differences and finally give migration the tailwind it needs. If not, looks like we'll have to wait till fall to see this birds again.
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